if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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