Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
