dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
