shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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