Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
