I think my vagina is haunted
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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