We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
