Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
