I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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