i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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