Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
