That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
