Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
