he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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