how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize