I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
