I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
