Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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