I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
