Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
