You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
