I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
