I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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