im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize