If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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