There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
