My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
