She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
