he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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