Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
