There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize