I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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