youre lurking in front of me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
