So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
