Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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