also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
