the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
