This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
