im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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