Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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