Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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