The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were destined to go to rehab together
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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