Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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