college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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