$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
