enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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