this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
