He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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