Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have tasted many bathrooms
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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