i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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