What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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