Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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