Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
