So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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