do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
