I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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