sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
