just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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