Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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