you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
