Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
