Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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