there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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