Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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