My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
