I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Soap is not a condiment
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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