Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
