Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
