I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
